Dear Harry
by Emerin
Summary: The last letter to a last love...slight AU xSLASH DracoHarry x


Hullo Gentle Readers!

I return, with yet ANOTHER oneshot. It can't be helped. My modem's having issues and i'm bored as all get out, sooo...yeah...But yeah. This is supremely random. I got inspiration from an actual letter i got...:sighs: i dunno. I'm weird these days. Just read and enjoy

A/N: it IS slight AU. I just made it so Harry was never left with the Dursleys. He was droppedo ff at an orphange. Very Tom Riddle-esque.

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Harry, 

My Harry. My dear, sweet hero. What can I say that would even begin to explain why I'm writing this? I know its not fair and if I don't do this right I know you will never forgive me. If you will at all.

All i know is I can't stay in a world where I can't be with you the wayI want to. I know it was my fault to begin with, but please, you have to admit it, you were at fault as well. If it wasn't for your blind committment to Dumbledore we would've been together.

My only regret was not making my move earlier. IfI had acted onyour emotions when they first started, we could've been together since first year. We would've been so happy. I would've taken care of you, kept you safe, kept you away fromthat orphanage.I still remember the first time I came to visit you after second year.

Remember?

You were so adamant on keeping me in the dark about your situation that you gave me the wrong address . My owl must've flew in circles for days. I could'nt even track you down via the information you gave me. I believe it was Weasley who gave me the correct info. He was your boyfriend at the time, right? You had just gotten with him I think...yeah...Yeah, it was right after school let out for the summer.Before I managed to get your right home address.

Merlin,I was sure I was gonna faint when I realized the address was really an orphanage.I know they didn't call it that. What was it again? St.Arthur's Children's Home? Yeah, that sounds right.  
I don't remember exactly how it looked, but it was ok looking. Just an old house. I walked in, my mum Disapparating to Merlin knew where, and there you were. Croutched down on the floor, trying to help one of the woman workers there to fix the dining room table. You looked up and I swear you went 10 shades whiter, then threw yourself behind the woman as if she hid you. As if I didn't see you in the first place. Really, you were so weird sometimes.

Then I walked over and ducked under the table to grin at you. Then you stood up and...and...Merlin!...You looked **so** good. I hadn't seen you in over a year, no thanks to stupid Head of Houses and not making the Slytherins have classes with the Gryffindors, but Merlin's beardhad you grown. No more goofy cowlicks, no more unfashionably thick glasses, no more calling you pixie, no more funky blackish brown bedhead-chaotic-disaster you called hair.

No...

Merlin, I thought I had stepped in an alternate universe when I saw you that day. You had gotten so much taller, you practically towered over me and I was tall for my age! Your hairlay in haphazard layers and shining pure ebony silk. I honestly thought you had a halo what with the light hitting it just right. And DAMN, you had toned out.You were just all lean and slender and almost girlish. _Almost_. But what I noticed most about you were your eyes. I hate myself for admitting this but up until that point, I had never really known what color your eyes really were. Your glasses or your bangs had always hid them.I knew they were green, yes, but a murky brownish green. When I saw you, I knew right away I had been DEAD WRONG. Your eyes were anything but murky. It was as if a bright light were shining from the inside out, magnifying this...this BRIGHT green. Not even green, it was much too pure to be green. It was like emerald. You had emeralds for eyes andthe night skyfor hair and silk for skin.

I was breathless that day. And that was when I fell inlove with you. It was as if I hadn't really seen you for the 5 years we had been friends...Then you smiled and I wanted to cry. You smiled so sadly, so ashamed. Like it was your fault you ended up here. Then a kid around 7 or 8 ran up to you, threw their arms round your stomach and cried something about another kid breaking their Power Ranger, whatever that was. You grinned at him like I'd never seen you grin before, so unguarded and so YOU, then took the toy and sat with him. I watched you talk with him more easily than you talked with most people and before even I knew it, you had fixed the toy and the boy was running off with a similar grin.Again you smiled at me, only this time sheepishly, as if you didn't want me to see you being nice to a little kid. I only fell inlove deeper.

Then remember what we did? Yeah, we went to your room. I don't think you wanted me to see it, but I did.Iit was so small. I remember your little twin bed and little dresser. Your bright green backpack on your rumpled sheets,papers and sketchbooks and books all over your bed and floor. I remember you grabbing your backpack, saying we should go to the beach, then shoving me back out the front door.The beach...I don't think my mom was too happy about seeing you now that I think about it. I mean, she was of course happy to finally see firsthandthe topic of much discussion in the Malfoy household, I just don't think she ever saw you as an equal to me. Don't know why, the delusional bitch. You were better than me in every way. ButI could tell she liked what you grew into. I saw her sneaking peeks at youas we walkedand while you changed into your swimming trunks behind the towel she was holding up for us.

So, the beach.Merlin that was wonderful, wasn't it? We had so much fun that day. I knew things were gonna change, what with all my staring and you beginning to notice and my mom noticing me notice you. But I didn't care,I honestly didn't. As long as you were my friend,I didn't care what changes we went through. Remember when I held your hand on the carousel? And remember what I told you?

" You know you never have to lie to me, right Harry? You know you can always count on me to be there for you, no matter what. I love you Harry, you're my best brother and I'm never leaving you."

And you cried into my shoulder, and yeah, people stared, but we didn't care. We were 12 and you were hurting and I was your best friend. But I liked holding you. Now thatI had begun to acknowledge the fact that yeah, I thought you were kinda cute, I enjoyed holding you or touching you more than I thought I should.  
I kissed your cheek that night, didn't I? right when I walked you to your door.I didn't even realize what I had done. Neither did you I think. I know you just grinned, hugged me tight and said "I love you too, Dray. You'll always be my best brother too."  
My mom gave me a funny look when we got back home. She'd keep on giving me funny looks for the rest of my life...They intensified whenever I talked about you or when I saidI was going tovisit you or youowled or that one time you came over. I know she gave you funny looks, thats why you always stayed atZabini Manorwhenever you came up toMalfoy Villageafter that. It was probably best though. I don't know what we would've done had we had the chance to express whatever was going on inside us at the time. I don't think we were old enough to really deal with those sort of things.

ButI remember that day. We were brothers back then. Best brothers. I was your family, I was all you needed, and you were all I needed. You were like theyounger brother sent from heaven to look after me. You were always years older than me, when really it was me who was older..

I wish we still had that. That impenetrable bond that went beyond regular friendship. But we broke that when we fell inlove, huh? No. No it wasn't falling inlove that broke it. It was acting on that love.I remember that week exactly three months ago that I actually had you.I HAD you. You were mine and there wasn't anything changing that. We were so happy. Like I'd always known we'd be. You were always smiling, I was always laughing and then we'd kiss eachother to sleep. Dancing with you as my boyfriend at the sixth year Yule Ball and kissing you as my boyfriend and loving you as MY boyfriend...those were emotions I will always cherish.

Then we made love...You gave me your most precious gift and I didn't care if I cried that night. You deserved my tears of gratitude. You deserved everything I gave of myself that night. I never forgot what you gave to me in return.

I have the drawing to prove it.

I guess what I'm trying to get at here is simply that I remember everything we've ever gone through together. And the amount of time I had with you will never seem enough...but it must be. I'm sorry Harry. I'm sorry we couldn't grow on that love we have for eachother...and I'm sorry that love ended up being our demise.

My soul died when I lost you...Now I'm simply putting the flesh to rest.

I love you with all my beings Harry James Potter. I'll be waiting for you...Goodbye.

Eternally Yours,  
Draco


End file.
